Too High (and Not in the Good Way)

I never forget that I have the diabetes. Sometimes it doesn't seem like a very big deal, but it's always there, if only because I am checking my sugar 4 times a day and watching my carbs.

The past few weeks have been like that, with it like white noise in the background. I think that's why I haven't really thought to post in awhile. That and I'm a suckass blogger. It was so nice and I didn't even realize it.

Tonight I had the highest blood glucose reading in recent memory (quite a bit higher even than the night that our book club hit a place called Rick's Dessert Diner, which is just what it sounds like). It wasn't out of nowhere really, but I didn't expect it to be quite that high (it was 159, which most diabetics would say isn't high at all, but I have gotten a level of control that keeps my after meal numbers in the 120 range...but this was before dinner when I was pretty hungry). The funny thing is that I didn't even eat anything "fun". I was getting ready to go for my short run tonight and I was starving. So I had a few Triscuits, which are a bit carby but low enough for a reasonable snack. Then, right before my run, I had something called a Shot Blok, which is meant as nutrition for longer runs. Usually when I have any of those type of supplements for energy before a run, the exercise stops my sugar from spiking.

So what happened tonight? I'm not exactly sure, and that's the especially frustrating part. Was the energy gel just too much sugar for one sitting? Was the 22 minute run too short to prevent the high? Is it just dumb luck?

I'll probably never know. All I can really do is watch for a repeat and hope it's a one time thing.

So much for having the diabetes not being a big deal. Sneaky bastard.

Second Try is a Charm? Maybe I Won't Erase THIS Post

Bah. Apparently I have to learn how to deal with posting on Blogger without accidentally erasing everything I just wrote. I am freaking brilliant.

Uh, what I wrote earlier was way more articulate and probably more interesting. The gist of it is that I'm struggling with making effective food choices while I'm off my regular routine. Last week I was in training for work and this week I'm on a jury (seriously!). When I'm in the office or at home, I have a great level of control and am able to plan pretty effectively. Anyway, I'm noticing that I have to really plan and take every opportunity to snack since I can't just take a break whenever.

I've always had issues with what I eat and when (before diagnosis and after, if I wait too long to eat, some irrational bitch takes over my body and threatens to get all stabby), but I feel especially sensitive to it now. I don't believe it's gotten worse, just that I'm so much more aware of what's going on. Ultimately it's a good thing, but there are moments when I want to throw my glucometer across the room.

I'm a non-stop party, I tell ya.

New Post, Now With 100% Less Bitching

For once, I feel at one with having the dreaded D. Just for this one shining moment, I feel in control and at peace.

I saw my doctor yesterday, and it was one of the best doctor's appointments ever. Like, the only way I could have been happier was if she told me that I have a condition in which gold nuggets come out of my posterior. Slightly painful, seriously icky in terms of clean-up, but ultimately a winner for me, if not the place I sell said gold to for many dollars.

Mmm, dollars.

Anyway, since crapping gold was not in the cards for me yesterday, I am happy to settle for good results and a doctor I don't want to kick in the teeth.

First, my efforts at control of this amusement park of a disease appear to be paying off. My A1C numbers (a test used to show average blood sugar over a 3 month period) have gone down slightly from 5.5 at diagnosis to 5.4. This may not sound like much, but the standard for diabetics is between 6 and 7, the lower the better. 5.5 was a low place to start, because we caught it early. I was happy there was any improvement there at all. Also, my blood pressure is decent (although controlled with meds...I know, I am only 34!!!), my triglycerides are normal, and my good cholesterol is very close to normal. My LDL cholesterol is still high, but I am working on that. The best part of this though is that I've lost 18 pounds, so far.

Second, my doctor actually praised my efforts. She was astoundingly nice to me. She touched my arm in a reassuring way. She actually had a bedside manner.

I will happily take a break from the crabby. Just this once, of course.

Maybe They Have High Sugar and a Case of the Grumpies

There's this phenomenon that I've noticed since I've been out as a diabetic, especially on message boards and blog comments.

First, for those of you who aren't members of the ever-exclusive Club D, there are the two types I'm sure you've heard of. Type II, the kind I have, is the most common, and generally occurs because the body is resistant to the insulin the pancreas produces, causing it to not use glucose (sugar) efficiently or effectively for energy. The second, Type I (formerly known as Juvenile because it typically comes on before adulthood) is the kind that occurs because the pancreas either doesn't produce insulin or really underproduces it.

So it absolutely goes without saying that it's got to be tougher to have Type I, especially considering the almost certainty of having to take insulin (I caught mine so early I don't even need meds much less to take shots) and liklihood of having the affliction since childhood. Seriously, it has got to suck giant whale cock.

However, there seem to be quite a few people on the internets who claim to be Type I's who are carrying chips the size of Missouri on their insulin dependent shoulders. Somehow because they have suffered more (and I honestly believe that they have...needles and hypoglycemic lows, people) that those of us who have been oh so lucky deserve their ridicule. Even worse? Many heap blame on top of that. I got that personally and saw it aimed at someone else all today.

Because being overweight and certain destructive eating habits have been labeled as risk factors in developing Type II (along with having a baby over 9 pounds and having a diabetic relative, to name a couple of others), it's really easy for a Type I to chastise Type II's for bringing it on themselves. Truthfully, it appears there is no definitive info one way or the other (although consider this: all overweight people are not diabetic and all diabetics are not overweight), but I have to wonder what purpose it serves to go on the attack in such a manner, besides the obvious attempt to soothe one's own wounds while ripping open wounds in another.

Still, as bitter as I feel for being invalidated this way by people who are members of the same community, it doesn't make me less sensitive to where they are coming from. Hell, don't we all do it in some way? Looking at the lives of those around us, feeling superior in the areas we have lucked out, wallowing in the ways our luck has failed us. Humanity is full of some obvious comparisons, and some roadblocks we throw in our own way.

It is natural to feel some anger at some random cyber diabetic because they have it easier than you, right?

Seriously? No. Oh hell no. I don't think one person on this fair planet has it "easy". We all come with our challenges and neuroses and frailties. Flinging shit at some anonymous person online does not make anyone's life or experience better, so get the fuck over it and stop being so petty, trolls everywhere.

What, too far? I sensed that, but am too lazy to hit backspace. Plus telling trolls to get the fuck over it is so lovely and liberating.

It only took 3+ years of blogging for me to have the whole troll experience. I'd be OK to wait another 3 years for the next, but then again, I just gave them some fodder.

Welcome to my Diabetes...my Diabetes BLOG, that is

I'm guessing most of you have come here from my other blog . Of course, that is assuming that there is anyone out there. Anyway, regardless, I'm glad to see you and hope that you find this more entertaining and informative than grating and pathetic.

I am starting this blog because I'm so good at keeping up with my other one.

Yes, I'm full of shit.

At this point, I want to be able to talk about all of the D stuff without boring anyone who doesn't find it interesting. Um, most of the time I bore myself with this stuff. But it's where I am right now.

When I figure out how to set up my profile properly, I will cover all of this stuff official like, but for the moment I will just give you all the heads up. Most people who blog about this sort of thing represent the community well. I have so much respect for all of the bloggers out there who speak so bravely and eloquently about their experience with diabetes, and other chronic illnesses. However, I not only do not claim to represent well, I disavow any attempt to represent at all. I am one diabetic, one who may or may not be like other diabetics. I say inappropriate things using inappropriate words sometimes. My purpose is not to offend anyone, but I won't apologize for telling the truth. That may involve the word fuck and its various dirivitives. You have fair warning.

I am much more than my diabetes. But it is still a very large part of my life, especially given how new I am to it. Maybe this blog will be a fleeting thing, maybe it will turn into an all-consuming obsession.

Here's to hoping it's somewhere in between...